What wisdom can we gain from the Holy Quran about marriage? This article reflects on marital wisdom found in different Quranic verses.
Verse:
“And among His Signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Indeed in that are Signs for those who reflect” (30:21).
Marital Wisdom:
- The ideal marriage should have feelings of peace, mercy and love. If one’s marriage is lacking in these, one should try to improve it by working towards infusing your marriage with these feelings.
- Marriage is a sign of Allah, but it’s not our life goal. Signs are meant to direct us to our true goal: Allah. We should not put all of our focus on marriage. We should see marriage as a sign to our true destination: nearness to Allah.
A great youtube video that reflects on this second point is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfBQ2gGj7NU&t=1606s
Verse:
“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] you have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and fairness. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good” (4:19).
Marital Wisdom:
- Sometimes we may not like our spouses for some reason, but we should always treat them with kindness and fairness.
- Our feelings towards our spouses may not be accurate. The spouse you may dislike could actually be a source of goodness.
Verse:
“..If they (husband and wife) desire to wean the child by mutual consent and (after) consultation, there is no blame on them…” (2:233).
Marital Wisdom:
- A husband and wife should strive for mutual agreement in a relationship.
- A husband and wife should consult with each other about family matters.
Verse:
“If you fear a breach between them (ie. the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; If they wish for peace (desire reconciliation), then God will cause their reconciliation (make them of one mind): for God has full knowledge, and is acquainted With all things” (4:35).
Marital Wisdom:
- If a marriage is at risk of ending, the husband and wife should find family members from their families to help them resolve their differences.
- Disagreements are normal in marriage.
- Divorce should not be the first step when disagreements occur.
- Allah will help couples to reconcile if they really want to.
- Couples should go to family members first before going to outside parties to discuss marital problems.
Verse:
“And those who pray “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous” (25:74).
Marital Wisdom:
- We should pray to Allah to give us happy marriages and families.
- Having a peaceful family life is connected to being able to lead others to righteousness.
Verse:
“Enter the Garden, you and your wives, in happiness” (43:70).
Marital Wisdom:
- We should envision ourselves with our spouses in paradise. This will strengthen the marital bond.
- We should remember that our final home is in paradise insha’Allah. A couple should share the same goal of achieving Allah’s forgiveness and approval.
Verse:
“…They (your spouses) are your garments and you are their garments…” (2:187).
Marital Wisdom:
- Spouses are like clothing for each other. Clothing protects us from harsh weather, just as spouses protect each other from the hardships of life. Clothing beautifies us, just as spouses beautify us and our lives.
Verse:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard…” (4:34).
Marital Wisdom:
- Allah (swt) clarifies the roles of men and women in marriage. A husband protects and maintains his wife, and a wife respects her husband’s leadership by supporting him and cooperating with him in good works.
- Both the husband and wife have responsibilities towards each other.
Verse:
“The believing men and believing women are protecting friends of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give the prescribed charity and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those – Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise” (9:71).
Marital Wisdom:
- Spouses should remember that they are protecting friends of one another. They are both on the same journey to Allah (swt).
- Obeying Allah and His Messenger should be the main focus of marriage.
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